It was rather sudden, and although my last entry was much more painful, this one will surely be much better. When it comes to relationships, I somehow lack the ability to control myself when I'm normally helping friends, or what not with their problems. There was a man I liked and he was in pain and although I was aware of it, my selfishness to act out the urge to claim him was rushed and I pushed him too hard, until he simply blew up on me... At that moment, the moment that he simply exploded with these arrays of emotion when we were talking over the phone... I felt hurt, but it wasn't my pain I was feeling. It was his. This occured only a few days ago, after my last entry and I've been merely lost inside myself, trying to understand. My patience, which I've always been so proud of, suddenly came to a halt after meeting this man, and I don't think I could ever say offer enough apologies to him, for the merciless prodding and pushing I put him through. Normally, when a guy a girl likes doesn't contact them for a long time, she would get hurt and this case, I normally would, because I was so attracted to him... But it seems that I'm not. It's not because I no longer like him or want him, but now understand him on a greater level. I see him, all of him, and I'm aware of why he no longer talks to me.

He was in love, and still is, with a girl who broke his heart. I, who was supposed to act as a outlet, suddenly became a remindful creature that pestered him and I feel so bad because of it. He no longer talks to me because what he needs is not someone to bother him and ask him what's wrong. He needs time to himself, time to heal and learn that there will be more woman who he can love and they will love him in return. I've lit a candle for him, I've prayed that by some chance, he finds some kind of peace with this whole thing. It's a wonderful feeling, this selflessness. His name is Stephen Tracy, and with all that I can ever hope for, I really do hope that he can find happiness again.